The power of words

Earlier this week I told my husband that if he ever wanted me to put our son to bed at night so that he could play his Star Wars online game, then he could just ask me.  He told me that he didn't like to ask me for things because he didn't want to hear the comments that came with that request.  I sat there dumbfounded and told him that it sounded like he thought I was a selfish bitch.  He just sat there ignoring me.  So I said, "really?  You think I'm a selfish bitch?"  *crickets* Once again I asked "Really?  You think I'm a selfish bitch?"  He looks at me and asks me what I want him to say.  I tell him that I want him to say "No, you are not a selfish bitch" but his silence speaks more than his words ever could.  Wow!  I was called selfish by my husband and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
The next day a co-worker from Latin America told me that I needed to be nicer to him.  I told him that I was normally being sarcastic but that I would be nothing but a pleasure from now on.  So twice in one week I am reminded that words hurt.
Two days later a friend calls me to tell me that she was at the bank when a sweet old lady was in front of her in line and was trying to cash her social security check and get cash back.  The teller would not let her get cash back because her account was overdrawn.  My friend gave her $40 because she knew that was what I would do if I had been in the same position.  This is the same friend that I gave $50 to when I won $100 back near Christmas.  I told her that she just paid everything forward & it felt beautiful.
Watching TV last night I was crying because Grey's Anatomy was so sweet.  Then I watched the video below and cried some more.

The power of words indeed.  My husband walks downstairs and looks at me.  "Are you crying?"  He always laughs at me when he catches me being sappy.  I reply "Yes I'm crying.  I saw something beautiful.  I'm a selfish bitch and a hopeless romantic.  You get both."  He just shook his head, smiled, and went into our room.
I spent a lot of this week pissed because I was told this.  Now I know that it's true and as much as it sucks, I asked to operate my life from a place of joy this year and I'm not doing it.  I asked to learn to be nicer to my husband and I suppose this is the golden opportunity.  I don't like it and it is very uncomfortable but my husband never says anything.  Granted he also said nothing this time but his saying nothing spoke volumes.

The Guest House

photo source

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing .

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

From Essential Rumi

by Coleman Barks

What have I learned lately

Taking a cue from Ms. Superhero herself, what have I learned lately?

1) According to my 5 year old, you should never trust a talking monkey
2) Glitter, sequins, and sparkle thrill me & that's ok
3) Yoga is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  I don't know why I stopped doing it for so long.
4) Choosing joy is always better than being right
5) Grace is an important part of life
6) Peanut Butter & Co's Bee's Knees is unbelievably good on an Oreo
7) It's ok to have guilty pleasures
8) I love blowing the mind of my kid.  Baking soda+vinegar=amazing volcano to a 5 year old
9) I made gravy for the first time this week.  How is that even possible and why was I so scared?
10) I do not like to clean my bedroom.  Why is this?