30 days of grace-Day 30

I'm so sad that today is the last day.  I am considerably grateful for these last 30 days and all that I have learned from this experiment.  Love+gratitude=joy

Damn you Oprah!!

I'm watching Oprah's Lifeclass and it's the "Joy Rising" episode.  I am laughing and crying so hard that I've had to go get Kleenex.  Whew!  Damn you Oprah!  You pull my heart strings like no one else.
I could not imagine being able to give all that she does.  Could you imagine making people's dreams come true?  The joy that you would be able to give away?  Joy comes in all forms and I swear that the more I learn about it, the more I want to learn, share, and give to others.  I've never felt so open & honestly happy.

Jusra-photo source

Joy has a palpable feeling.  It has an energy field and a current that, allows you to be elevated by the experience of coming into contact with it.  It happens every time you allow joy to rise inside yourself and then you're willing to share it.  That energy carries its own force field.  Others see it, they feel it, they know it, and they want to be a part of it.-My girl Oprah

Flipping it

Oh Hannah Marcotti you make my heart swell.  Just read this and now my mind is swirling.

Where are you now?

See yourself. Fill in the blank. That first thing that comes to mind, that is the one.

If only I ____________________, I would ________________________

If only I could stop losing my patience with the kids, I would be living more truthfully.

Now you get to flip it.

Living more truthfully allows me to feel calm and patient and present when I am with my kids.

Feel it. Let it energize you. Allow it to guide your choices. The rain and snow and wind guide our choices so too should the simplicity of our deepest desires.

Hold this as a mantra in your mind and heart.

Be amazing. Because you are.

Look into your own eyes.

Live in your truth.

Where am I now?

If only I could lose weight, I would be healthy.

Flipped it and heard the message loud and clear.  Living healthy will move me forward to achieving my weight loss goals.

If only I could give more, I would receive more.

Flipped it and heard...Allowing myself to receive more will allow me to give more.  Allowing myself to receive has been one of the most vulnerable exercises I have worked on.  I feel like I shouldn't be looking for gifts and then I have to remind myself that most things are a gift if only I would pay attention.

Ten good things

I forgot to post my 10 good things on Sunday.  Oh well, better late than never.

1) This stress free manifesto is printed and hanging where I can read it each day.
2) The extended weekend that gave me the time to fall in love with my son all over again and again and again
3) Lovebombing this girl
4) Living Love
5) Hanging with my best friends this weekend-all of them
6) Teaching an 11 year old about extreme kindness and love
7) Yoga twice a week
8) Delicious thanksgiving food
9) naps-Gosh I would love to steal one sometime soon
10) My sexy hubby

30 days of grace-Day 29

I am grateful that I have the means to give what is needed even when I don't know that it's needed.

30 days of grace-Day 28

I am grateful that I can afford to have a roof over my head.

30 days of grace-Day 27

Today I am grateful for long weekends and the time spent with my little one.  I'll be honest that we were tired of each other's company around dinner time tonight but the time we have spent together the past few days has been fun.  We have created memories that he'll remember for a lifetime.

Joy Up-Day 1

Dear Santa,
     I haven't written one of these for myself in years.  I'm definitely out of practice so I'm just going to let it flow and see where I end up.  What do I want for myself this Christmas?  I want to value myself more.  I want to let go of my past and stop reliving the same stories over and over again.  I want to let go of the weight that is keeping my fire inside.  I want to shine brightly and I want to love more than anything else.  I want to be the type of person that can hug a person upon meeting them.  I want to make everyone feel at home as soon as they meet me.  I want to draw other women to me that are as full of love as I am.  I want to be surrounded by honesty, by open hearts, and by gratitude.  I want long, poetic conversations over tea.  I want time spent learning about myself.  I want to do more yoga and be balanced.  I have found an amazing yoga instructor and I want to be able to continue to attend her classes.  I have actually been able to attend two yoga classes a week lately and I am loving it.  I do, however, want to get back into the gym.  I used to enjoy the hour I spent alone thinking and being completely involved in myself.  I miss it and know that I deserve it.  I'm ready to realize that I don't want to feel like shit anymore.
     I would also love to start some new traditions this year.  I'm going to give it some thought but I really want to do things with my son that he will remember for a lifetime.  Things like:
1) Make some hot cocoa and watch Elf
2) Pick out the Christmas tree and put the ornaments on it the first Saturday in December
3) Drive around looking at Christmas lights
4) Picture with Santa
5) make paper snowflakes
6) watch the fake fire on tv and listen to Christmas music
7) bake cookies
8) go to one Christmas parade
9) Pop popcorn and watch The Christmas Story
10) Caring & Sharing program at school
11) Buy Christmas present for daddy together
12) Go see a Christmas movie together in the Theatre
13) Go see Princess Bride
14) Do a kindness project
15) Donate our time to a Christmas project (volunteer)

I really am ready to make this the most peaceful, inviting, fun Christmas yet

Love,
Mamafeelgood

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-16

The new moon is tonight.  I am shocked by all I have learned and received.  I am going to keep up the practice of paying attention to all that I give and receive.  I think that by making myself write it down daily, I make myself aware of how much I give & opens me up to receive. I may just write about it here once a week now instead of daily.
Just today I emailed someone about a free life coaching session only to find that I had won a gratitude kit and 3 months of life coaching.  This comes at a time when I am ending a class that has completely changed my life and was contemplating talking to a therapist so that I could keep learning about myself.  I know that I now am on the right path because this could not have come at a better time.

Today I attended a potluck and took 2 of my signature dishes.  I gave freely of all that I had and gave a friend a ride home when his ride was too drunk to safely drive him home.  No questions asked.

30 days of grace-Day 26

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Today I am grateful for camp fires.  I have sat around 2 this week and they are so peaceful and relaxing.  I've noticed that I do my best thinking when I sit by one.  Good for talking.  Good for the soul.

Letting Go

Jusra

Letting go is about as challenging for people as receiving is. It doesn't mean forgetting or pretending you don't have feelings.  It simply means not letting the issue be a guiding force in your life.  By letting something go, you are free to move forward from a place of loving.


JoAnna Rothman

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-15

I do believe this is my last night.  I have really loved paying attention to what I give and what I receive.

Today I gave my time and energy to having a cousin come over to play with my son.  We ate, we played, we jumped, we went to the park, played video games, dressed in costumes, and had milkshakes.  I'd have to say that this was a successful day.

Today I gave myself the gift of going to a friend's house, watching bad movies and curling up under a blanket while wearing no pants.  Every day should be no pants day

30 days of grace-Day 25

I am grateful for movies that make me laugh.  I am grateful for sitting next to a good friend, sharing leftovers, talking about nothing.  I am grateful for my glorious life.

Owning our story

brene brown rocks my world

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-14

Today I spent the day with family.  My gift was huge today.  I gave the gift of silence and was kind instead of right.  Grace in practice.

Today I gave myself WAY too much food followed by time around a fire pit with good friends

30 days of grace-Day 24

Today I am grateful that I have a good family.  The kind that I wouldn't have necessarily picked for myself but the kind that loves me and teaches me just the same.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-13

Today I had friends over for dinner and coffee.  I am trying to open my home up more and to make it a place of comfort.

I gave myself the gift of lighting a few candles and just sitting back to enjoy them.

30 days of grace-Day 23

Today I am grateful for everyone I've met on the path to become who I am right now.  If you think about it, we meet so few people in our lifetime and they each shape us in some way.  I am really starting to love who I am becoming and the people I am attracting to me.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-12

Today I bought Christmas presents.  I've been saving for the hubby's gifts for months and he has no idea what he is getting.  I'm so excited that I can barely stand it.

I'm giving myself a few extra moments of silence today.  So good night and I'm going to read a real book for a while

30 days of grace-Day 22

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I am grateful for coffee. It is my livelihood.  My hubby makes a delicious cup whether brewed, pressed,  or dripped.  Few things beat a cup of coffee prepared just the way I like it.

Bullying

Yesterday my family came over for an early Thanksgiving.  It's gotten to the point where my parents leave us on Thanksgiving and go to the beach while I go to visit my in-laws.
Point being...my father gave me the greatest compliment yesterday.  Then at the end of the night, my son took his shirt off b/c he had been playing hard and wanted to cool down.  My dad leans over to my son and says "Good God Boy, you've got three rolls of fat there."  My mom chimes in and says, "yeah, you need a bra."  I screamed, "Hey!  He's only 5.  What are you doing?  Leave him alone!"
Luckily my son didn't understand what was going on but I am heartbroken.  I also now understand a lot more about how and why I am who I have been.  I have spent my entire life overweight and I am very careful that my son gets proper nutrition, lots of exercise, and that I never comment on his body.  The boy has grown so much in the past 3 months.  He's gone from 38 to 48 inches in height, gained 10 lbs, and jumped from a size 5 pants to a size 7.  He's also been an eating machine and does tae kwon do for an hour twice a week.  I know that my son is not on the path to being overweight.  I am just so upset with my parents.  I laid in bed last night stewing and thinking.  I know I have to talk to them but I have to do it in a caring way and I am definitely not ready for that yet.  The ironic thing is that both parents told me about a bullying incident that had happened the day before that my dad witnessed between an older boy and my son.  The older boy was being mean and aggressive and my son didn't know how to react.  My dad was really upset that a kid could treat his grandson like that and then he turned right around and did it himself.  I'm sure he didn't even realize what he did b/c both of my parents have always talked that way to me.  I have to break the cycle here.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-11

Today I anonymously donated money to help a friend get an airplane ticket to see her grandfather.

I then took myself back to Monday night yoga class and feel more balanced and happier than I did at any point last week.  I must remember that it is what I love.

30 days of grace-Day 21

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There are few things I love more than laughing.  I love hearing it, sharing it, starting it, continuing it.  I love giggles, guffaws, snickers, stifled laughter.  I never tire of it and I have never heard too much genuine laughter.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-10

Today I gave my time and my home.  I cleaned my house, had my family over, and spent time with my mother at the grocery store.  Shopping with my mother is one of the things I hate THE MOST in the world.

Gave myself a spic 'n' span room and moved things around so it felt more peaceful.

My dad gave me the best compliment in the world today and I wish I could have accepted it with a more welcoming heart.  One day I will learn that it's ok to accept kind words.

Ten good things

1.  The opportunity to check in and do a life reset
2.  Showing up for myself
3.  Learning to hope less.
4. Getting it on with life
5.  Living love

6.  Realizing that home is exactly what I make of it.
7.  Having my dad tell me that I am the best mother he has ever seen.  Better than my mom, his mom, my grandmothers, and even my grandmothers.  I almost cried.
8.  Learning to accept compliments
9.  Free tickets to STOMP!
10.  Hearing my son tell my I am beautiful repeatedly this week, completely unprompted.

30 days of grace-Day 20

Photo source

I am grateful for books.  Seriously.  I have spent so much of my life with my nose in a book.  I have read millions of words and I am grateful for each one.  There are few things that I love more than getting lost in a good book.

Full Moon to New moon gifts-9

Today we drove to my mom's church and supported the church with a chicken pastry dinner.  I donated to the church and at the same time picked up some homemade plum, blackberry, blueberry, & strawberry/fig jam.  The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches around here are going to be amazing.

I gave myself STOMP!  Someone gave my husband free tickets so he gave them to me to take my best friend to see the show.  It was one of the best things I've ever seen.

My mom also gave me 4 wonderful gigantic candles that are going to have my house smelling lovely.

30 days of grace-Day 19

When my son was about 3 years old we took a 2.5 hour road trip together.  I'm not big on allowing him to watch movies or play video games but on this particular trip I allowed him to watch The Yellow Submarine for a while because he loves the movie so much.  I don't remember much about the journey to our destination.  What I remember is that my son talked and asked questions the entire way home.  "Mommy, who is Ringo?  What instrument does he play? Why is he driving that car?  Mommy, where's Paul?  Why did they go in all those doors?  Why was John hiding?  Mommy, why does George listen to funny music?  Mommy, why are they in a yellow submarine?  Why do they have beards?  Why are they old?  How did they become babies?"  This went on for hours.  My mom was with us on the trip home and she just kept looking and me and saying that she couldn't believe that I was answering every single one of his questions.  My rule then was that as long as he was asking, I would answer.  Whew!  That drive was hard work.
Today I'm grateful for rear view mirrors.  As my son and I took a quick road trip I could see him in the mirror staring out the window looking at the clouds and not saying a word.  I smiled to myself thinking of that trip just a year and a half ago and how much things have changed.

Full Moon to New moon gifts-8

Today I donated to Toys for Tots.
I gave myself a special dinner with good friends of empanadas and delicious tequila.

I talked with my boss and she has agreed to let me get off work early enough to continue with yoga on Monday nights.  I am thrilled!!

30 days of grace-Day 18

Today I am grateful for my son.  He is my light.  He has taught me to slow down and savor life.  He has taught me patience beyond what I ever thought possible.  I am grateful for him every day.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-7

Today another letter from the universe was sent.  I really need to do other nice things and branch out of what I know.  I love sending them b/c I don't have to take credit for them.  I like being kind behind the scenes.

I gave myself the gift of a lovely evening with lovely women.

Today people came out of the woodwork complimenting me on things that I've worn a dozen times before.  I must be putting beautiful energy out there.

30 days of grace-Day 17

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I am so grateful for nourishing food.  Tonight I practiced mindful eating with a wonderful group of women.  We dined on curried butternut squash soup, spinach & apple salad with goat cheese, fruit salad, shrimp salad, and Tabbouleh.  We silently ate for a few minutes, savoring every bite.  Chewing slowly, sighing heavily, and taking in all the different flavors, textures, and using all of our senses to completely experience our food.  I will be sure to practice nourishing myself more often.

Air

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All things share the same breath—

the beast, the tree, the man...

the air shares its spirit with

all the life it supports.

—Chief Seattle

30 days of grace-Day 16

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I am grateful for my tribe.  I have surrounded myself with some of the most beautiful, magical women possible.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-6

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Today I gave a donation to the Food Bank & I bought lunch for a co-worker

Today I gave myself an hour of yoga.  It was wonderful.  I also gave myself the gift of sitting for 5 minutes and listening to a guided meditation.

Today I received a compliment from my yoga teacher who noticed that I had been working hard to open my shoulders.

30 days of grace-Day 15

Today I am grateful for realizations.

Land's End

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-5

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Today I sent out another letter to the universe.
I haven't done it yet but when I'm done posting here I'm going to take a long shower, wash my hair with delicious shampoo, wash with luxurious body wash, and the applying lavender lotion.
I also plan to do some stretching on the floor for my shoulders and achilles tendon.
Now that I think about it, I bought myself a winter jacket today.  I have not bought a new one in over 15 years.  The one I've been wearing is so thin and frayed.  I've had it longer than I've known my husband and today I decided that I am worth more.  I deserve to feel and look beautiful in a new coat.

I was thinking today about the gifts I have received.  The physical gifts.  I've been given a lavender eye pillow, a hand made scarf, a delicious chili recipe, lunch, a Reiki session, a letter from the universe, & a coupon for a free meal.  That is literally a physical gift per day.  That doesn't even count the revelations and gratitude I have felt.  This experience is amazing just after 5 days.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-4

Today I sent out a lovely letter to a friend who needs it.  I know exactly how she's going to react when she gets it.
I received a letter in the mail as well as a certificate for a free Reiki session that I won at a yoga for youth event.
Later tonight I will be watching a TV show with my husband.  We actually have to schedule time for that.

30 days of grace-Day 14

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Today I am grateful for unexpected gifts in the mail.  I love sending them out and I love receiving them.

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-3

Today I gave my son alone time with his dad.  They went to the park and I didn't go along.  Instead,
I gave myself 2 hours of restorative yoga.

30 days of grace-Day 13

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Today I am grateful for yoga.  I have found a studio that I absolutely love and an instructor that is great.  I have never felt more balance in my life.  I hope that I continue to have the means to attend classes.  I think they are vital.

Ten good things

* Sitting on the couch holding hands with my five year old
* Pot roast in the oven lovingly prepared by my hubby
* Passion in the bedroom
* Long, hot showers
* Pedicures
* Explaining "The Grinch" to my son
* Making s'mores with family
* Listening to Iron & Wine in the car as the little one snoozes in the back seat
* Restorative yoga
* The best chili I've ever eaten in my life

30 days of grace-Day 12

photo source:  weheartit

Every year I look forward to the time when I can:
a) wear the comfy nightgown
b) use the comfy coma inducing blanket
c) light "leaf" scented candles
d) drink apple cider
e) rake leaves into piles for jumping
f) wear light sweaters
g) drink hot tea outside
h) eat apples with peanut butter
i) wear scarves
j) wear my favorite fleece jersey that I've had for about 15 years

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-2

photo source:  Oncewed

Today I went over to my extended family's house and made s'mores.  I supplied all the ingredients due to a giveaway that I won a few months ago.
I gave myself a few stolen moments when my kid was at a birthday party and I went next door to get a pedicure.

Dave

I had a dream last night that one of my new friends turned out to be a friend of someone that stopped being friends with me long ago.  The friend from long ago was a good friend who terminated our friendship for reasons still not clear to me.  He moved out to a farm and is living a very Zen life.  I always supported him and completely understood why he was doing what he was doing.  A lot of people turned their backs on him but I never did.  He stopped being friends after I had my kid because we were living "very different lives now".  I still to this day, 5 years later, do not understand what that means.  I never said anything about his lifestyle.  In fact, I admired that he could give up on the comforts that we all take for granted to pursue a more authentic life for himself.  Every once in a while he shows up in my dreams.  The two I can remember are as follows:

Dream 1-I am shopping at a thrift store near the place where I last saw him with my 6 year old son (my son was 1 at the time).  He walks over to me and tries to start talking to me.  I look at him with a straight face and say, "I'm sorry but you don't know me" and I walk away.

Dream 2-Last night I dreamed that my new friend had spoken to my old friend and my old friend was asking how I was doing.  He inquired about my life, my son, my husband, and was surprised to hear that I was loving my life.  He wanted to know if he could contact me but I woke up before I resolved any of it.

Obviously I have a lot of sitting to do with the cause behind the dissolution of this relationship.  I don't understand how someone I loved so much and considered a good friend could just turn his back on me without a clear reason.  I honestly know of nothing I did to him that could have caused this.  I wonder why this is coming up now?

Migration

photo source:  reeunderscore

Migration                         

Going from this place to another place

            requires surrender of your old ways,

            the honoring of sacred wisdom and not

            anticipation of the journey only. The soul’s

Migration between the old place and the new means

            that you must recognize your path

            to an unknown destination, risking all

            with the chance of gaining nothing. You are merely

The connection between growth and suffocation,

            the link that joins possibility to pain,

            and thus you become the keeper of your own flame.

Going from this place to another place is like

            the bird in winter who remembers

the beauty of her springtime nest

just to keep herself from freezing.

                                                By Nancy Wood

Full Moon to New Moon gifts-1

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Today I invited a friend over which is something I never do.  I shared a meal with a dear friend.  I sat quietly and listened.  I talked and was heard.  Good day all around.
Sometimes I allow those that love me most to be the ones that show it the least.  Saying I love you is not the same as meaning it.  Acting in love is not the same as apologizing after you've said or done hurtful things.  I'm spending a lot of time these days considering what is important to me and what I am willing to keep & what I am willing to let go.

30 days of grace-Day 11

Today I'm grateful for being heard.  Sometimes it's great to listen and sometimes it's even better to have someone listen to you.

To remember

photo source:  carrotsandpeas

Sometimes hyper criticism coming from someone that claims to love you is really their way of mirroring whatever is their own discontent in their lives.-Oprah's Life Class

30 days of grace-Day 10

Today I am grateful that I can cook.  Cooking makes me happy when it is something that I want to cook and I'm amazed by my ability to turn nothing into something.

Dedication to giving

Photo source:  Juma

Tonight is the November full moon.  I keep reading about how full moons are a time of change and getting rid of the old.  I've been looking for a time to do this so tonight seems as good as any.  The new moon is on November 25th and on the 26th I'm going to start the Holiday Joy UP.  Giving of myself for the next 15 days seems like the perfect segway to receiving the Joy UP.  For the next 15 days  I am going to give away something to someone else and I am going to give myself something in return.  I think it's the perfect way to begin to cultivate opening myself to kindness and nurturing.  I want to receive the gifts that are being thrown my way but I Really need to learn to open up to them.

Idea of gifts to give away:
Buy a meal for someone else
Leave a large tip
Leave bottles of bubbles behind
good will
letters from the universe
write a letter
buy a gift
baked goods
Do a deed for someone

Ideas of gifts to give to myself:
Yoga
listen to music with my eyes closed
a walk
long, hot shower
new eyeshadow
new stationary
5 minutes of meditation

What are friends for?

Sometimes I sit back and think long & hard about the interactions I have with people.  Today is one of those days where a good friend and I didn't agree because she asked my opinion and then didn't like the response.    I get so tired of being used as a sounding board.  I find it exhausting that so often she lashes out at me because she is unhappy only to have to come back later and apologize.  I get so tired of the apologies.
I am in such a good place now.  I've been taking care of myself.  I've been doing yoga, massages, eating better food, spending time with people that nourish me, talking with my husband, and sending good energy out into the world.  I am boggled as to why I feed into this negative behavior time and time again, why I listen to the banter time & time again.
I am doing everything in my power to figure out why I am overweight.  I am working "behind the scenes" to name the characters in my life that I use to protect myself.  I have looked at pictures of myself growing up and realized that I blossomed into a woman much earlier than I should have and I have never taken the time to celebrate that.  I've never really been proud that I am a woman.  **This is an entire entry in its own right, but I am working with it right now**  I am working hard to be the person I want to be.  I think it is time that I figure out who needs to be part of that journey.  I wouldn't stay in a bad marriage, why do I stay in a bad friendship?

30 days of grace-Day 9

photo source:  maintainhealthyliving

Tonight I must say that I am grateful for yoga thai massage.  I could not stop smiling for about an hour afterwards.  Such a beautiful experience.  I can't wait to do it again.

30 days of grace-Day 8

Picture source: jamo0n

I am so so grateful for travel-all sorts.  I love jumping in the car for a trip to see a friend, the beach, or the mountains.  I love boarding a plane with an entirely new country on the itinerary.  I love meeting new people.  I love learning about local customs and traditions.  I pray that I am always able to travel well.

30 Days of Grace-Day 7

photo credit: Jusra

Finished one of the most life altering experiences I've ever had in my life tonight.  I am grateful for this and all that I have learned in the process.  I'm on the way to trusting others, being vulnerable, and living with more grace.  

30 days of grace-Day 6

I know that I just did 10 things but I still wanted to keep up with the 30 days of grace.
Today I am grateful for the songs that I overhear my child singing.  They make him beautiful.

Ten good things

1)  Finally a lazy Sunday
2)  Snuggling on the couch with the little one
3)  Oprah's Life Classes are rocking my world and making me think
4)  Parent and Child yoga class
5)  Long, hot, showers on a cold evening
6)  Inspiring friends in little ways
7)  Kind Over Matter
8) Naming my cast of characters so that I can diminish their power
9) Homemade baked cookies
10) Plans for a pants free movie session with one of my best friends.

30 Days of Grace-Day 5

I'm grateful today for a parent & child yoga class.  I'm grateful that we were able to share a cookie afterwards and then finish the night up with family time spent watching Harry Potter.  Life is good.

Cast of characters

photo source Lua Corujeira

I've been thinking a lot this week about the cast of characters I've got in my head.

There is the girl in the middle, the over protective mother, & the wall flower.  I'm sure there are more stories that need to be told but these are the 3 that are speaking.  These are the ones that want to be heard.

The Peacemaker

The girl in the middle is the one that pops up the most.  She's the one that listens to both sides of the story and then gets blamed for the outcome.  She's the peacemaker.  She goes to great lengths to keep everyone around her happy, all the while sacrificing what she wants to say and do most.  She's the one that listens to her mother moan about how incompetent her father is.  She then listens to her father moan about how selfish her mother is.  She listens to her brother complain about his wife, his in-laws, her parents.  She listens to her friends complain about new relationships, old relationships, current relationships.  She is so often not heard because she is so busy listening.  She so desperately wants to be seen and heard and felt.  She hates her place and really wants someone to take care of her for a change, yet she can't bring herself to say so.  To say so would be to admit she needs help.  Admitting she needs help makes her vulnerable and guilty.  There are few things she hates more than feeling vulnerable.  Vulnerability is seen as weakness.  To ask for help would mean that she has to let people in.  Once they are in, it's hard to get them out.  Once they are in, she has to trust them and love them.  Once she loves them then it's easy for her to turn into the peacemaker. 

She hates that people come to her in times of distress and only in times of distress.  She hates when people ask for advice so she's stopped giving it.  She's learned to answer people with questions.  She deserves to hear about the good stuff too.  She deserves to be included in the joy and the happiness.  The wins as well as the losses. 

The over protective mother

The over protective mother is the result of living with an extremely over protective mother.  The type of mother that was afraid that she might get hurt if she ventured too far out of sight.  The mother that hovered and was involved in EVERYTHING the child ever did.  She never got a moment's peace and she was rarely alone.  The mother snooped and never allowed any privacy.  The mother had spies everywhere and often knew where the child had been before she even returned home.  However, the child learned to manipulate and lie and hide.  She learned to be smarter and more careful.  She learned not to trust.  She learned to watch out for herself.  She learned that no one had her back.  She is trying desperately to unlearn this and to not be this mother.  She is trying to embrace fear and allow it to be loved.

The Wallflower

The wallflower represents the girl that was always in the corner during a slow dance.  She was the third wheel.  The girl with lots of crushes but never a boyfriend.  Her mother passively agressively told her one day that she had a sitting room built into the house in the hopes that her daughter would one day bring a boy over to sit there but *sigh* she never did.  She always felt unworthy and ending up doing a lot of embarassing things.  She was obsessed with the first guy she ever had sex with and didn't understand why he didn't value her.  He used her, she allowed it.  He would tell her to go away, and then tell her to come back.  She allowed it.  When she met the love of her life she was shocked when he introduced her as his girlfriend.  When he came back from Europe before she did after a 3 month trek there, she wanted him at the airport but was afraid he wouldn't show.  She was afraid of the same thing on their wedding day.  She's still afraid to love him with all of her heart because one day he may not be there and then what?  Then what will she do?  She's still so used to being alone and completely still stuck in thinking that way.  She hurts the most.  She trusts the least.

30 days of grace-Day 4

I am grateful for special lady dates.  I was able to go out with one of my favorite people tonight and spend time talking about me.  I needed it more than my friend will ever know.  Sometimes it's fantastic when someone notices you

30 days of grace-Day 3

I love that I can cook.  I love knowing what I have on hand and turning that into an apple chicken sausage potato and corn soup.  The little one gobbled it up and the hubby devoured it as well.  It makes my heart sing when that happens.  It's sometimes the only way I know how to love after a long, hard day.

30 days of grace-Day 2

I earn enough money. This wasn't always my truth but I have learned to live with what I have.  In doing so, when the time comes, I'm able to donate to causes like this one.

30 days of grace-Day 1

I am thankful that the body can take so much.  I am amazed by the way it heals itself time and time again.  I do so much wrong to it and it forgives me each time