Yamas & Niyamas from the Heart of Yoga

To embody the yamas & niyamas, one must first understand that yama is "so important for it includes our relationships with different people at different times."  This allows us to experience who we are in so many different ways throughout our lives.  I like to think of my relationships as mirrors that reflect back to me the good and the not so good.  I do make the effort to have the reflection of myself be something that I am proud of where others are concerned.  I try to speak my truth from a loving place and I am big believer in random acts of kindness.  I do find that it is easier to practice Ahimsa with others than it is to be kind to myself but I am working to improve that.  The yamas consider the attitude I have toward things and people outside of myself while the niyamas are the attitudes I adopt toward myself and how I interact with others.

With respect to becoming a yoga teacher, I anticipate that I will need to work with the yamas and niyamas not only with my student relationships but also with myself and my family.  With students it will be essential to practice Aparigraha or only taking what I have earned.  I believe that there should be a mutual exchange between student & teacher and I have to be willing to speak my truth (satya) and establish boundaries when necessary.  I know this is something I'm being called to work on because it continuously rears its head in my life.  I do believe that there is a certain part of myself that I can reveal while still maintaining my privacy and I'm looking forward to learning how to do that.  I understand Asteya to encompass no stealing but also to mean that we should not take advantage of other's confidences in us.  In the past, I have used "secrets" as a means to manipulate but I make a conscious effort now to not shame others and to empathize with the pain that they feel.  I wholeheartedly understand that there are 6 billion paths to God and we each have our own.  This also  allows me to embrace Brahmacarya or responsible behavior along my path towards the truth.  I love how all the yamas are interconnected and you really can't have the full experience of one without the other.

I know that the niyamas are where my true work lies.  Every time I do yoga, I find myself delving deeper into tapas.  I am very conscious of my breathing now as well as my body posture but I am aware that I need to be more mindful of my eating habits.  That is also becoming easier as I spend more time with myself in svadhyaya.  Self examination & reflection are what lead to the revelations that I keep having.  The time I spend looking within is where I learn the most.  It blew my mind when I could line up my bhandas and create a flow of energy from the soles of my feet through the top of my head.  I have never felt more bliss than in that moment when it all "clicked".
I don't have a problem with sauca as it relates to cleanliness outside.  I do know that I am not as clean inside as I should be.  It is so easy to fall into old patterns of emotional eating but I am aware of when they occur now and I am slowly working to stay within the moment & to turn it over to samtosa-accepting what happens & learning from it.  I also understand when Desikachar reminds us that recognizing our mistakes is the first sign of clarity.

I have always had a problem establishing boundaries with my family.  My mother, father, & brothers.  I'm not including my husband or son in this because I am very capable of expressing my needs with them.  It's just that I sometimes feel that my family won't understand how differently I think from them.  I have spent a lot of time learning about various lifestyles, religions, sexual identities, etc. so that I could love better.  I believe that we fear what we do not understand so when I am afraid, I know that it's time to learn.  When I know better, I do better (thanks Oprah!) and I want to be sure that I never, ever again use shame as a way to get what I want.  I don't know if my family will ever truly understand me and by this I mean my family by birth and the family I chose to marry into.  I have let both families know boundaries and what I will & will not discuss, be part of, or listen to.  It has made a huge difference in my interactions but by the same token, it makes me sad that I have to struggle so hard to be myself.

Now I do realize that I have one more niyama to cover.  Isvarapranidhana or the ability to turn it over to a higher power is one that I'm working on.  I know what my calling is and I know where I am being pulled.  It's very scary but I'm doing my research and I'm becoming more okay with it.  It's going to take a huge leap of faith & a lot of trust and intuitiveness on my part to go where I think I'm headed.  I will have to turn it over to God.  I'm just not sure how to do that since feeling secure is such a huge part of who I am.

Homeward bound

I don’t remember when I forgot how to be a woman.  I just know that it happened.  I was never one for makeup or dresses.  I was never one for playing with Barbies or Hello Kitty.  I was always out climbing trees or making music.  I was out searching for arrowheads or practicing my aim with my slingshot.

Now I’m not saying that girls are only frills and lace.  I just wasn’t the typical girl growing up.  I loved playing with baby dolls and pretending I was a mom.  I was a mighty fine teacher too.  I loved everything about school.  I just took my dolls outside to play in the dirt.  I made mud pies and was more at home outside in the woods by myself than I was indoors.  Sometimes I miss that little spitfire that slowly had her fire lowered until it was almost extinguished.
I started fighting for my womanhood after the birth of my son.  It was also at this time that I had to fight for my life.  The birth of my son almost killed me and I knew better.  I knew something was wrong and everyone ignored me.  I didn’t understand what was going on or why I was having his heart beat monitored twice a week before his birth.  I didn’t even understand what was going on most of the time and I put my trust in doctors.  I didn’t trust what I was feeling.  I never felt like I had a voice. 
About two years after his birth, I was out with a friend one night who asked me why I was so afraid of being a woman.  At this point I was dressing in plain clothes, mostly black or gray with very little color.  I was trying to hide myself.  I’m still not sure why but I just felt alone and scared and really sad.  I put on a good face but deep down I knew something was wrong.  This continued for almost another year until one night my boy comes up to me and asks me why I’m so sad.  I had no idea he could see this and no one else had bothered to ask but here was this 3 year old that just knew.  I decided right then that I had to be the example of all the things a woman should and could be.
My first step was cultivating a supportive, uplifting tribe of women.  I have removed who is not necessary and I have created such a deep seeded network that I know each woman has my best interests at heart.  I am amazed at what women can create when they come together in joy instead of with gossip & drama; when love & admiration holds space for each of us instead of trying to outdo one another.  This one step alone has been life changing.  I feel understood and at home when I am with any of them.

My next step was creating space in my life for yoga.  Listening to my body and trusting it to tell me what I need is an ongoing experience.  I hate it sometimes-all these revelations, but by the same token I love all of these revelations. I am amazed by what my body can do and I am learning to face my fears head on and allow light in where I used to struggle.

Now I'm at a place where I know that I need to develop a deeper relationship with myself.  I need to look within more than I ever have.  I keep receiving messages from The Universe to go within, live my dream, find my passion, etc.  I'm so so close to finding my way home.

The Rule of 27 and a new moon

I adore Samantha Honey.  This prompt is taken from her blog. 
This Month, beginning today with new moon, I am going to help you make MASSIVE shifts to improve your life implementing the rule of 27.  

These changes are going to be in three areas of your life:

LOVE
MONEY/CAREER, and
HEALTH

Step 1.
Become specific.  Write down any 3 desires you have for EACH of these areas of your life, this month

Step 2.  Next to each of these 9 desires,write 3 things you can do to facilitate this happening. 
Love:

1) I want to help the hubby plan the getaway for us this year
            a) Pick dates that work for both of us
            b) find someone to take care of the boy
            c) Find a place that will offer relaxation as well as adventure

2) I want to have more sex
            a) Flirt with the hubby more
            b) Initiate
            c) Go to bed at a reasonable hour
3) I want to finish the bed
            a) Wash the duvet cover
            b) Buy pillows to put inside the shams
            c) Buy new sheets for the bed

Money/Career:
1) I want to finish one book report for yoga teacher training
            a) Read 10 pages per day
            b) Follow the writing prompt that the teacher prepared
            c) Put aside an hour to write the report
2) I want to create a vision board for my dream
            a) Find magazines that are inspring
            b) Set aside an hour to work on this project
            c) Find poster board and glue for this project.
3) I want to put more money in my "having it" account
            a) Actually transfer the money when I get paid.
            b) Transfer netflix to the “having it” account
            c) Increase my sales at work

Health:
1) I want to do yoga every day
            a) Wake up 10 minutes earlier
            b) put my mat on the floor
            c) commit to a 10 minute practice
2) I want to spend more time outside
            a) go for a walk on my lunch break
            b) go for a walk after work
            c) take the boy outside to ride his bike
3) I want to plan a weekly menu
            a) Take 30 minutes to look through sales
            b) pull recipes from pinterest and email
            c) WRITE IT DOWN!

Dandelion puffs

From Hannah :

Wishes are magic makers, dream builders.

When you pick a dandelion puff and blow it, those little seeds are planting magic in the world around you.

Puff.
Blow.
Faith.
Magic.

Do me a favor though, and don’t keep your wishes to yourself ok? There is a whole Universe out there that wants to join in making your desires come true...

I love reading what Hannah has to write.  She inspires me like few others have and she has struggled through what she feels she is now called to teach.  I’m drawn to write today about the meeting I had with an old friend of mine. 
It was the Tuesday after I had left the bar disappointed with the friend I just recently released.  We were getting our kids together for the first time.  I was incredibly excited because her boy and my boy were so much alike.  They ended up playing together for 2 hours and we didn’t realize how much time had passed until she looked at her watch.  I had always thought of this woman as Churchy McChurchenson.  I don’t say this to be mean, I just didn’t expect her to have the same beliefs I do.  Something deep inside of me told me to reach out to her and express how I’d been receiving messages from the Universe about the steps I should now be taking.  I explained how back around my birthday it was all about taking care of my heart…speaking from my heart…loving with all my heart.  Then it changed to Love your body…take the time to learn from your body…listen to your body.  I ended up throwing my back out during this time and really had to slow down and think about what I was doing.  Soon after that the messages were constantly about peace.  Finding it, living with it, giving it, receiving it.  It was such a prevalent word in my life around the New Year that I made it the word of 2013.  Then it became Surrender…Let Go… Melt…Let it happen.  Soon after the messages reminded me again that I think too much.  I really need to get out of my head.  I needed to trust myself more and go with the flow.  (I am still working on this one HA!) Now the message has flipped to follow your dreams.  Live the life you dream of.  There is this gnawing in my gut and a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I need to tell her what I see for my future.  So I start telling her my dream….
I tell her that I can see myself teaching to love themselves through yoga & mindfulness.  I envision a retreat eventually where we can do yoga, move slowly, do some art, do more yoga, and wrap the night up with wine and storytelling around the table.  I want to have a garden, some chickens, and some honeybees.  I want to grow my own food and maybe sell a little on the side to make extra money.  I see myself learning Reiki, maybe massage….I’m not sure. But I definitely see myself holding retreats where women can come together.  This friend whips out her phone and shows me a photo of a place that she hasn’t thought about in years, a place that she almost bought once before.  She had a board of directors and was ready to pull the trigger but then felt that she wasn’t ready so she backed out.  We both are still reeling from having our dreams realized right in front of us.  I have brought so many amazing people into my life lately.  I know they would support me.  I know this could happen.  I know yoga instructors, massage therapists, reflexologists, organic caterers, farmers, nurses, all kinds of people who make it their goal to heal. We are both overwhelmed that this might happen….but I love this feeling.  I love this not knowing.  This kind of dream fills me up.