To embody the yamas & niyamas, one must first understand that yama is "so important for it includes our relationships with different people at different times." This allows us to experience who we are in so many different ways throughout our lives. I like to think of my relationships as mirrors that reflect back to me the good and the not so good. I do make the effort to have the reflection of myself be something that I am proud of where others are concerned. I try to speak my truth from a loving place and I am big believer in random acts of kindness. I do find that it is easier to practice Ahimsa with others than it is to be kind to myself but I am working to improve that. The yamas consider the attitude I have toward things and people outside of myself while the niyamas are the attitudes I adopt toward myself and how I interact with others.
With respect to becoming a yoga teacher, I anticipate that I will need to work with the yamas and niyamas not only with my student relationships but also with myself and my family. With students it will be essential to practice Aparigraha or only taking what I have earned. I believe that there should be a mutual exchange between student & teacher and I have to be willing to speak my truth (satya) and establish boundaries when necessary. I know this is something I'm being called to work on because it continuously rears its head in my life. I do believe that there is a certain part of myself that I can reveal while still maintaining my privacy and I'm looking forward to learning how to do that. I understand Asteya to encompass no stealing but also to mean that we should not take advantage of other's confidences in us. In the past, I have used "secrets" as a means to manipulate but I make a conscious effort now to not shame others and to empathize with the pain that they feel. I wholeheartedly understand that there are 6 billion paths to God and we each have our own. This also allows me to embrace Brahmacarya or responsible behavior along my path towards the truth. I love how all the yamas are interconnected and you really can't have the full experience of one without the other.
I know that the niyamas are where my true work lies. Every time I do yoga, I find myself delving deeper into tapas. I am very conscious of my breathing now as well as my body posture but I am aware that I need to be more mindful of my eating habits. That is also becoming easier as I spend more time with myself in svadhyaya. Self examination & reflection are what lead to the revelations that I keep having. The time I spend looking within is where I learn the most. It blew my mind when I could line up my bhandas and create a flow of energy from the soles of my feet through the top of my head. I have never felt more bliss than in that moment when it all "clicked".
I don't have a problem with sauca as it relates to cleanliness outside. I do know that I am not as clean inside as I should be. It is so easy to fall into old patterns of emotional eating but I am aware of when they occur now and I am slowly working to stay within the moment & to turn it over to samtosa-accepting what happens & learning from it. I also understand when Desikachar reminds us that recognizing our mistakes is the first sign of clarity.
I have always had a problem establishing boundaries with my family. My mother, father, & brothers. I'm not including my husband or son in this because I am very capable of expressing my needs with them. It's just that I sometimes feel that my family won't understand how differently I think from them. I have spent a lot of time learning about various lifestyles, religions, sexual identities, etc. so that I could love better. I believe that we fear what we do not understand so when I am afraid, I know that it's time to learn. When I know better, I do better (thanks Oprah!) and I want to be sure that I never, ever again use shame as a way to get what I want. I don't know if my family will ever truly understand me and by this I mean my family by birth and the family I chose to marry into. I have let both families know boundaries and what I will & will not discuss, be part of, or listen to. It has made a huge difference in my interactions but by the same token, it makes me sad that I have to struggle so hard to be myself.
Now I do realize that I have one more niyama to cover. Isvarapranidhana or the ability to turn it over to a higher power is one that I'm working on. I know what my calling is and I know where I am being pulled. It's very scary but I'm doing my research and I'm becoming more okay with it. It's going to take a huge leap of faith & a lot of trust and intuitiveness on my part to go where I think I'm headed. I will have to turn it over to God. I'm just not sure how to do that since feeling secure is such a huge part of who I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment