Cast of characters

photo source Lua Corujeira

I've been thinking a lot this week about the cast of characters I've got in my head.

There is the girl in the middle, the over protective mother, & the wall flower.  I'm sure there are more stories that need to be told but these are the 3 that are speaking.  These are the ones that want to be heard.

The Peacemaker

The girl in the middle is the one that pops up the most.  She's the one that listens to both sides of the story and then gets blamed for the outcome.  She's the peacemaker.  She goes to great lengths to keep everyone around her happy, all the while sacrificing what she wants to say and do most.  She's the one that listens to her mother moan about how incompetent her father is.  She then listens to her father moan about how selfish her mother is.  She listens to her brother complain about his wife, his in-laws, her parents.  She listens to her friends complain about new relationships, old relationships, current relationships.  She is so often not heard because she is so busy listening.  She so desperately wants to be seen and heard and felt.  She hates her place and really wants someone to take care of her for a change, yet she can't bring herself to say so.  To say so would be to admit she needs help.  Admitting she needs help makes her vulnerable and guilty.  There are few things she hates more than feeling vulnerable.  Vulnerability is seen as weakness.  To ask for help would mean that she has to let people in.  Once they are in, it's hard to get them out.  Once they are in, she has to trust them and love them.  Once she loves them then it's easy for her to turn into the peacemaker. 

She hates that people come to her in times of distress and only in times of distress.  She hates when people ask for advice so she's stopped giving it.  She's learned to answer people with questions.  She deserves to hear about the good stuff too.  She deserves to be included in the joy and the happiness.  The wins as well as the losses. 

The over protective mother

The over protective mother is the result of living with an extremely over protective mother.  The type of mother that was afraid that she might get hurt if she ventured too far out of sight.  The mother that hovered and was involved in EVERYTHING the child ever did.  She never got a moment's peace and she was rarely alone.  The mother snooped and never allowed any privacy.  The mother had spies everywhere and often knew where the child had been before she even returned home.  However, the child learned to manipulate and lie and hide.  She learned to be smarter and more careful.  She learned not to trust.  She learned to watch out for herself.  She learned that no one had her back.  She is trying desperately to unlearn this and to not be this mother.  She is trying to embrace fear and allow it to be loved.

The Wallflower

The wallflower represents the girl that was always in the corner during a slow dance.  She was the third wheel.  The girl with lots of crushes but never a boyfriend.  Her mother passively agressively told her one day that she had a sitting room built into the house in the hopes that her daughter would one day bring a boy over to sit there but *sigh* she never did.  She always felt unworthy and ending up doing a lot of embarassing things.  She was obsessed with the first guy she ever had sex with and didn't understand why he didn't value her.  He used her, she allowed it.  He would tell her to go away, and then tell her to come back.  She allowed it.  When she met the love of her life she was shocked when he introduced her as his girlfriend.  When he came back from Europe before she did after a 3 month trek there, she wanted him at the airport but was afraid he wouldn't show.  She was afraid of the same thing on their wedding day.  She's still afraid to love him with all of her heart because one day he may not be there and then what?  Then what will she do?  She's still so used to being alone and completely still stuck in thinking that way.  She hurts the most.  She trusts the least.