What about Grace?

Everywhere I look this week, the message is Grace.  It's on the blogs I read, it's on the advertisements I see on my favorite websites, I hear people using it in conversation, it keeps coming up for me.  It's been this way for about a year now so I went back to find something I wrote on October 7, 2010.
I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around what grace is. I understand saying grace, someone having a saving grace, even grace and the ability to walk. My questions are how can you be full of grace? How can you be filled with Grace? Is Grace just God giving us what we do not deserve? Like, you can do wrong and still not receive what you deserve because of God's grace? Is Grace just Karma with love as an element? I've never been so confused by a concept before. Is Grace even a concept?
I'm going to quote Bono here...“You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that “as you reap, so you will sow” stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.”
I totally get karma but do not get grace. It should be easy to understand, right?
Then last week, I find this and this.

Drowning in grace again.  Feel free to read those if you want but let me speak for a moment about what resonates with me.  Grace sounds a lot like forgiveness.  Grace sounds a lot like letting go....last week while my yoga teacher was talking I didn't have my notebook so I wrote on my leg the things that I really heard her say.  "So what, now what?"  "Let go of the story".  Those have stayed on my leg all week and I am reminded of them.  I didn't realize it then, but she was talking about Grace.  The answer I have been looking for for over a year is right here, right now and it is powerful.

"When someone does something that irritates or angers you, take a deep breath. Stop your mind from diving into perceived motives and the injustice of it all. Breathe and ask yourself, "How would I want someone to respond to me if I did this same thing to them?" – and do that. "

"As grace becomes more deeply integrated in your way of living, the heart becomes more and more open."

"Showing unconditional grace, while certainly a challenging journey, is one of the most powerful ways to live.
You'll find that people begin to trust you more, open up around you more, and feel a sense of closeness with you. They'll see you as a safe harbour, a place of refuge in a world that can often seem harsh and unaccomodating. "

"If you happen to find yourself in that space of feeling like your power has been taken away by someone's response to something you've said or done, remember that your power can never be taken away – only given away. When you attempt to explain yourself over something trivial, you are giving it away and over-compensating to reclaim it.
Instead, consider the power you have in simply letting it go. If someone's response to you makes you feel inferior or threatened, simply let it go. Let the moment pass. This may involve you moving on to the next part of the conversation, or perhaps even acknowledging their response and walking away.
And even though it feels like they are getting the upper hand, really it is you who is showing grace. You are showing grace by acknowledging their response without imposing your own conditions. " (this is a hard lesson I'm learning at work right now)
"Take a thoughtful look at the motives behind your actions, and choose to act consciously. This is what conscious living is all about. Create space for unconditional grace, and experience the freedom and lightness of heart that come as a result."

I have been on the quest for the meaning of Grace for so long that I almost don't want to believe that I have found it.  That it has finally clicked.  That now the real work begins.

The real work begins by me allowing people to get close to me.  It's me sitting down with the frightened little girl that couldn't get anything right and telling her that she's good enough.  It's me sitting down with the loneliness I sometimes feel in a large room of people and telling myself that it's ok to be honest & scared about that.  It's me learning to cope with stress and loss of control with something other than food.  It's peeling back the layers one by one and getting comfortable with myself.

It's me doing yoga and trusting myself and listening to that voice that arises from my gut.

It's me not getting the last word and being kind instead of right.

It's me talking to people who are just as empathic as I am and trusting them.

It's me stepping into change and trusting that I'll turn out ok.

My yoga instructor told me that It takes courage to step across the threshold of change and transformation. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff with a fire behind you. The smoke blinds what lies ahead, but to stay is to surely be scorched. It's me simply taking a leap of faith.  Faith in my own capacity for love and joy, no matter how hard the initial landing might be.

It's me nourishing myself with good stuff for my brain and my body b/c I deserve it. 

It's me getting to the root of why I don't think I deserve it.

I fought hard for my life.  I want to enjoy a long, vibrant, healthy life, and the fact is that in order to realize fully my dharma, having good health and vibrant energy for years to come is part of the picture, at least as I see it.  Part of my power lies in becoming truly healthy...body, mind and spirit!!!