I'm not really one to daydream but I'm going to put myself out there and visualize for a moment what I would like to receive if I were given the choice.
With respect to my family I would love to be understood. I know that I cannot choose the family I was born into but sometimes I laugh at how different my family is from my friends. I was born into a very conservative Baptist family. My family was never very open to anyone different than them yet I have created a family of friends that most would consider freaks. I love the dirty hippies, the people with too many tattoos, the transgender, the artists, the massage therapists, the gay, the straight, the single mamas, the social workers. I married into a Mormon family which is just as conservative as the family I was born into.
I would love my family to be a little less judgemental. I would love for us to get together once in a while without having to listen to everyone complain about everyone else. It is a constant drama fest and it does not suit me or make me happy.
With respect to my friends I would love to have someone listen to me. I have a habit of listening to others but then feeling incredibly guilty when it comes to talking about myself. I would love to surround myself with a few more mommy friends especially if they are part of a happy partnership. I would love if my best friend would realize how amazing she is so that no one else would ever have to show or tell her. I would love to be able to surround myself with more people that are happy in their own skin and in their lives.
With respect to my husband, I would love to be nicer. I would love it if I could stop taking a hard day out on him. I would like to treat him with more respect and I am trying very hard to pay attention to that. I know that he loves me more than anyone else in the world and I need to stop being afraid of that. I want to be more vulnerable with him. However I would also like for him to see the effort I'm making and feel that he needs to make an effort as well. I would love if we could go on dates occasionally and if we were both a little more romantic with each other.
If it were up to me I would be able to always recognize what I am being given. I'm working on it and I'm learning to be open to gifts and to be grateful.
What would I like to experience:
financially: I feel that we make enough money to live a good life. I would like to be a better manager of our money and to live more simply. I would like to make a budget and stick with it and see our savings grow.
physically: I want to lose weight and keep it off. I have quit smoking and gained back all that I lost last year. I worked hard for those lost pounds and then just ate them up. I'm not sure why I'm compulsively eating lately but I do know that I am working on that and want to get to the root of it.
creatively: I want to write more. I'm trying really hard to regularly post here and am doing it just for me. None of my friends know about this and I'm not willing to share it yet. This journal has allowed me to focus on me and not worry about what anyone thinks of my writing or thoughts. I also feel the calling to create music. I'm not sure how or where but I'm pretty sure I will find a way to do this this year.
spiritually: I have really moved away from any sort of religion since I was in college. I am a very spiritual person and believe that God is found everywhere. I believe that what you put out there is what you receive. If I were able to find a group of good people that were service oriented and got together to talk about Jesus, I would definitely be interested. I don't really have any goals in this area other than to continue doing yoga and see where that takes me.
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